In the Silence That Remains
by jadedcynic
Summary: Set after 3x08, Staring at the Sun. When Alex kisses Izzie she shoots him down. Alex Karev, however, is a fighter. Can Izzie withstand his efforts to win her heart? NOW COMPLETE!
1. The Unknown

A/N: This is my first Grey's Anatomy fic, and my first fic at all in several years. Thanks so much to my fantastic beta readers, Jenny and Molly, for helping me fine-tune this fic and tweak until it was just right.

A/N 2: This continues through the next several episodes after 3x08, incorporating those storylines, but obviously certain events didn't happen. There was no Ava/Rebecca (thank God), Izzie never slept with George, and Alex never moved in with Mer/Iz.

A/N 3: The lyrics at the start of each chapter are from the song the chapter is named for.

Can't you feel me walkin' all over your soul

Can't you feel me wait in pain

Can't you feel me reach into you

-Crossfade

She could see the doors just up ahead, and she couldn't wait to get through them. It had been a long, boring, miserable day watching all her friends get to do what she couldn't. She'd become a doctor to heal, to save lives, and instead she had to stand around and observe all the most mundane, routine things that she knew in and out by now. It was a crappy way to go through each day, and she looked forward every night to walking through those doors and going home.

"Stevens!"

Izzie stopped and closed her eyes, a silent sigh escaping her lips. _Dammit, I was almost out of here. Can't just one day go right around here anymore? _Opening her eyes again, she pasted a bright smile on her lips and turned around to face her current nemesis. "Dr. Bailey. I didn't touch anyone. I didn't talk to anyone. I barely even looked at Alex."

"Don't blame you. That smirk of Karev's would be enough to piss off a saint. And that's not what I was going to ask. Your fellow interns have all given me reports on your behavior." She paused for effect. "You're following the rules, coloring in the lines, playing nice with others, but not too nice. You're doing good."

Izzie smiled tentatively. Coming from Bailey, that was high praise. "So am I off probation?" She tried not to sound too hopeful, lest Bailey crush those hopes.

Bailey snorted indelicately. "Not even close. I just wanted your report." Of course she wasn't off probation. It was never that easy.

Izzie looked at her questioningly. "_My_ report?"

Bailey stared her down. "Did I stutter? I want your report. On your fellow interns and how they've been handling you."

Izzie blinked, confused but pleased. For once, she wasn't the one in the hot seat. "Well, Meredith, Dr. Grey, has been sympathetic but stern. She was so busy following your rules that she wouldn't listen to me about one of our patients and we almost discharged a woman who needed a psych eval."

Bailey gestured impatiently. "I know that, it was in Grey's report. Tell me something I don't already know, Stevens."

"Dr. Yang barely spoke to me and basically acted as if I wasn't there. I could have been a puppy following her from room to room for all she noticed or cared. Dr. O'Malley was nervous and fluttery and hopped around, like a bird with a broken wing or a bunny with ADD."

Bailey covered a grin with a stern frown. "Stevens, I'm not interested in your animal kingdom analogies. Just the facts."

Izzie sighed. "Dr. Karev was, surprisingly, the most professional. He interacted with the patients just as he normally would, without blatantly ignoring me to alert the patient that anything was wrong, but without including me, per your instructions." _And he let me pull out Frank's boob tube_, she finished mentally, fighting to keep the glee off her face. She deliberately didn't think about what it led to just minutes later. She couldn't do that now, couldn't deal with it. But it didn't mean she couldn't appreciate his kindness and understanding. For once, it worked to her advantage to hang out with the man who disdained rules and broke them whenever he saw fit to.

Bailey nodded briskly. "Alright. Until further notice, you're going to shadow Karev. I think this experience could do you both a lot of good." She waved Izzie off, satisfied in thinking that she'd placed Stevens with the intern who would be toughest on her.

Izzie bit her lower lip to keep from smiling as she turned and finally made it through the front doors of Seattle Grace. Bailey didn't know it, but she'd just done her a huge favor. Alex was the only one who didn't treat her like a pariah, or a charity case. Alex was the only one who gave a damn what this was doing to her.

_Isn't Alex always the only one who cares, who understands? _her brain pointed out. _George tries, but falls short. Cristina doesn't care. And Meredith is so wrapped up in her own damn life that she thinks she's made an effort when she lays down on the bathroom floor with me for five minutes. Alex is the only one who's treated me like a human who made a mistake, as opposed to a pathetic broken wreck, or a bad doctor._

Those thoughts stuck in her mind as she slid into her car and just sat behind the wheel, watching the world blur through the rain streaming down her windshield. Despite everything she'd done, despite her poor decisions and despite how angry he was at her, it all fell away the moment she needed him. Alex was there for her the second he realized how much she was suffering. He always had been.

Izzie closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the headrest. A tear seeped from beneath her lashes and trickled down her cheek as she thought about Denny, about laying next to him in that horrible dress and curling up against Alex as he lifted her away. From one man she loved to another. From one man who'd broken her heart, to another.

A sob burst from her lips. _Why did he have to kiss me? _she cried silently. _Why did he have to bring all those feelings back? I'm not ready to stop mourning Denny. It's too soon. But Alex is… Alex. And I'm not ready to fall in love with him again. _She pounded the steering wheel in frustration.

Taking a deep breath, Izzie opened her eyes, wiped away the remaining moisture, and gripped the steering wheel tightly. "Muffins. I need muffins."


	2. Away From the Sun

Thanks so much for the wonderful reviews! Part three may be awhile, but hang in there. Future parts will definitely be worth the wait, I promise. :)

I'm over this

I'm tired of livin' in the dark

Can anyone see me down here

-3 Doors Down

The locker room was nearly empty when Alex strolled in the next morning. Only Izzie was there, sitting on the bench facing away from the door, her head bowed. Alex's stride faltered when he saw the pale, smooth expanse of neck visible due to her upswept hair. _No use thinking about how gorgeous her neck is_, he reminded himself. _She made it perfectly clear she's not going there again. _With effort, he put any thoughts of Izzie Stevens' bare skin firmly out of his mind.

There was a basket sitting on the bench next to her and he leaned down to snag one of the cinnamon apple-scented muffins. It was no accident that his chin brushed her shoulder as he aimed his nose toward the basket and inhaled deeply. "You're a lifesaver, Iz. No time for breakfast this morning."

Izzie bolted upright as she felt him touch her and swiveled to face him. She refused to acknowledge the sizzling fire that raced through her at the contact. "No way, Karev. These muffins aren't for you."

"Aw, come on, Iz," he said plaintively, pulling a piece off and popping it in his mouth. He grinned at her while he chewed. "I've been dying for a bite of your muffin."

Izzie bit back a grin. "Forget it, Alex. You can't have my muffin." _In any sense of the word._

He let his eyes drift over her, his gaze smoky. "Bet I could make you offer me the whole basket."

Izzie flinched as the banter got too intense for comfort. "I told you yesterday, Alex, I can't do this. I'm not ready. Denny hasn't been… gone that long. Can't you be a little more respectful?"

The smile vanished instantly from Alex's face, to be replaced with a clenched jaw and a hard look in his eyes. "Whatever. I just thought you could use some sack time, but if you're going to keep your knees locked in memory of your sainted Denny, that's your deal. Not sure why I offered, anyway. Not like a dusty, dried-up old spinster is a turn-on for me." With that, he threw the remainder of his muffin on the floor and stalked out of the locker room.

Izzie gasped at his cruel words, but she was saved from having to think about them when Meredith and Cristina walked in, Cristina yammering on about whatever surgery Burke had her scrubbing in on that day. The noise distracted her and she pasted a shaky smile on her face.

"Hey guys, I brought muffins," she said brightly, gesturing toward the heaping basket sitting next to her. "Apple cinnamon."

Her face fell as they each dropped a hand into the basket, retrieved a muffin, and continued talking without even looking at her. She waited a beat, hoping that when they finished they'd acknowledge her. They didn't. Nothing new there.

Izzie stood up, tears shimmering in her eyes. "Y'know what I want?" she began, and paused, waiting for them to look at her. Again, she was disappointed. "Hey!" she shouted, and this time she was rewarded. Cristina shut her mouth and turned to give her a wary glance. Meredith waited, her eyes questioning.

"I really frickin' wish that once, just once, I could go to you guys for support. Yeah, I know when I went all crazy over Denny you were there for me. Well, sort of," she amended with a pointed look at Cristina. "But George and Alex are really my only friends. You two have shut me out so completely I might as well not exist. And right now I can't go to George because of his dad, and Alex _is_ the problem. But I can't even consider asking either one of you for advice. And that really sucks."

Cristina blinked as Izzie finished her tirade. "Hey, Suzy Share-a-lot. Cry me a river. We've never been buddies. Get over it."

Meredith nudged Cristina. "Be nice. She has a lot to deal with right now." Izzie bristled. Even though Meredith's words were supportive and sympathetic, they still came off as though she needed to be babied.

Cristina stared at her. "We all have a lot to deal with. So we all have to learn how to suck it up and not go around asking everyone and their mother to hold our hands while we do it. If we can do it, why can't she?"

Izzie shook her head with a disbelieving laugh. "Never mind. I wouldn't want to ask you anyway because you wouldn't have the first clue how I'm feeling, and you wouldn't care, and you wouldn't try." She picked up her basket of muffins. "Forget I said anything. Just go back to your little closed circle."

She stomped out of the locker room and dropped off the basket at the nearest nurse's station. _Great. I'd ask if this day could get any worse, but I don't think I want to know._


	3. Haunted

A/N: Thanks so much for all the kind reviews! I'm glad people are enjoying reading this story as much as I did writing it. :)

Shadows linger

Only to my eye

I see you, I feel you

Don't leave my side

-Kelly Clarkson

Izzie sighed as she gathered with the rest of the interns and waited for Bailey to hand out orders. She watched Alex out of the corner of her eye and felt the sting of rejection when he wouldn't even look at her. His jaw was hard and so were his eyes as he stared straight ahead, waiting for Bailey to speak.

"Yang, you're with Burke. Grey, in the pit. Karev, you're on Montgomery's service this week. O'Malley has the day off to spend with his dad. Now get out of here, all of you. I'm tired of looking at your ugly behinds."

Izzie glanced over as Alex stalked off and winced. "Um, Dr. Bailey?" she asked hesitantly.

Bailey turned around. "Yeah, Stevens?"

"I know you told me I'm shadowing Dr. Karev until further notice, but maybe you could let him know that?" Izzie asked uncomfortably. "Or better yet, let me shadow Dr. Grey or one of the attendings."

Bailey smirked. She knew she'd made the right choice assigning her to Karev. "I picked Karev, and I picked him for a reason. You're not getting Grey or an attending, or anyone else for that matter." Alex was already halfway down the hall and she raised her voice to get his attention. "Karev! Get back here!" she barked.

Alex came back and gave her a questioning look. "Did you need something else?" His voice was sullen, his eyes hard as he purposely ignored Izzie.

Bailey stuck her thumb in Izzie's direction. "I decided you get permanent custody of Stevens."

"What? No way," Alex protested. "I get stuck on vagina duty _and_ I have to baby-sit strays? What do you have against me?" He was agitated and didn't bother to try to hide it. Izzie had made it clear she wanted nothing to do with him, and now he was being forced to spend his entire day with her for who knew who long. He wasn't sure he could take it.

Bailey stared him down. "I am not amused, Karev. You done with your temper tantrum?" She didn't wait for a reply. "Take Stevens and get out of my face."

Izzie followed Alex as he stomped down the hall. "What'd you do? Get your buddy Bailey to assign you to me so I'd let you actually do a procedure or two? Well, you screwed up, Stevens, 'cause I'm not letting you do a damn thing. You're going to hate shadowing me," he hissed furiously.

"I already do," she retorted bitterly. "And just so you know, Bailey assigned me last night. I asked her today if she could reassign me, but she's evil. She wants me to suffer, so she stuck me with you."

Alex sneered at her. "Just stay out of my way, will ya? You pretend I don't exist, I'll pretend you don't exist, and we'll be just fine."

Izzie stared at him in barely-suppressed fury, then grabbed the sleeve of his scrubs and forcibly yanked him into a nearby on-call room. She slammed the door and glared at him, her shoulders shaking with rage. "Just what in the hell is your problem, Alex Karev?" she yelled, poking him hard in the shoulder with one long finger. "I turn you down and you think that gives you the right to treat me like something you have to scrape off your shoe? Well newsflash, you jerk, it doesn't!"

Alex matched her withering glare. "I'm just sick of babying you, all right? You picked him. You picked Denny, time after time after time. You knew he was going to croak but you risked everything for him, and now all the crap you have to deal with is on you, because you knew what was going to happen. I don't have a damn bit of pity for you because you're using him as your trump card whenever you can't handle being slapped with the truth."

Izzie felt the tears welling in her eyes again and she hated it. She just couldn't stop crying now. She especially hated crying in front of Alex because he was like a shark with blood in the water. Once she gave him the opportunity he'd exploit her weakness. "I loved him, you son of a bitch. How can you hate me for doing everything I could to save him, to be with him?"

Alex scoffed. "You didn't love him. You loved Denny Duquette the heart patient. You didn't even _know_ Denny Duquette, the man who had a life outside this hospital."

Izzie stared at him in consternation. She'd always ignored the little voice in the back of her head that reminded her of the same thing. She tried not to think that she was idealizing him, that had he gotten better and they'd gotten to know each other outside of Seattle Grace, he might not have been the same man she fell in love with inside of Seattle Grace.

Alex saw the look in her eyes and shut up. If she was coming to some of the same realizations he had, he definitely wasn't going to push her. Instead, he changed tactics. "Iz. I know losing him was tough," he said gently. "But did you ever think maybe you loved the idea of him more than you loved the actual person?" He kept his voice soft and soothing, wanting to stem the flood of tears before they started.

Izzie shook her head violently as the tears started to fall. Apparently, he hadn't been quite soft and soothing enough. "No, Alex. I loved him. I really did love Denny," she sobbed, covering her face with her hands.

Alex couldn't help it. As much as he wanted to be angry at her, to hurt her the way she'd hurt him, he couldn't stand to see her in pain. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against his chest, his hand cradling the back of her head as she leaned into him and cried her heart out. "Shh, Iz. It's going to be okay. I know it's not right now, but it will be."

"I loved him," she insisted, her voice muffled against his chest. "I really did."

"I know," he admitted, resting his cheek on her soft blonde hair. "I hated it, but I always knew it."

Izzie pulled back with a sniffle, looking at him curiously. Her eyes were red, her nose runny, tear tracks were gritty on her cheeks, and still she was the most gorgeous woman he'd ever seen. "Why did you hate it?"

_Because I'm crazy in love with you. Because I saw reality when you saw hope, and I knew it was going to break your heart, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Because I wanted to protect you from yourself and you wouldn't let me._ "Because you're my friend and I knew that whatever happened, you were going to get the raw end of the deal."

Izzie barked out a half-laugh. "You weren't lying." She took a deep, calming breath, then mustered up a brave smile. "Okay, Karev. We've been in here long enough that Bailey might send out a search and rescue team. Or a lynch mob, either one. We should go find Dr. Montgomery."

Alex rubbed her back a little before letting her go. He stepped back and gave her a lopsided grin. "We have a woman who's 32 weeks pregnant but the kid is surviving on only half a placenta. We've been monitoring it to make sure it's getting enough nutrition. If you're a good girl, I'll let you perform the ultrasound today," he teased.

"I'm always a good girl," she retorted, a real smile lighting up her face. She was glad they were okay again. She always hated it when they fought.

"Then we better find a way to get Montgomery out of the way," he commented as he followed her out of the on-call room. He paused, smirking as a thought came to him. "And do you have any more muffins? I really did miss breakfast."

He laughed as he dodged Izzie's playful smack at his shoulder. They were back on track.


	4. Chasing Pavements

A/N: I'm so sorry it's been so long since my last update! January has been a crazy crazy month for me. So in penance, I offer you not one, but _two_ new chapters. Enjoy! :)

I build myself up and fly around in circles

Waiting as my heart drops and my back begins to tingle

Finally could this be it

-Adele

Alex was leaning against the outer wall of the hospital when Izzie came through the doors, her head bowed low. He smiled when he saw her, but wiped it off when he saw the sorrow in her eyes. "O'Malley's not doing so well, huh?"

Izzie shook her head. "His dad just died, Alex. He's devastated. And he's mad at me, so I can't be there for him the way I want to," she said, sorrow heavily lacing her voice.

Alex put his arm around her shoulders as they walked out to their cars. "He still loves you, Iz. He still needs you to be there for him, but it's up to you to make him see it. I know you. You got a big pair of balls, you just need to use 'em. Get in his face, read him the riot act for giving you the cold shoulder, then tell him he's your best friend and you know he needs you. He's a pain in the ass, and I sometimes doubt his higher brain functions, but he's not entirely stupid. He's not going to push you away."

She smiled at him gratefully. "You're right. I need to kick his ass, then give him a big hug." She fell silent for a moment, and Alex waited it out. "It's just, I know what he's going through. Maybe not exactly, but losing a loved one is hard no matter who they were to you. I don't want him to go through it without knowing I'm still his best friend and he can turn to me for anything."

Alex squeezed her shoulders. "He knows, Iz. Like I said, the kid's not always the brightest crayon in the box, but he's not a complete idiot either. He just needs you to not let him get away with his crap, but that shouldn't be a problem for Izzie Stevens," he joked. "You call everyone out on their B.S."

She laughed. "Well, that's what I'm good at." They stopped next to her car and she surprised him by wrapping her arms around him and holding on tight. "Thank you, Alex. I sometimes forget what a good guy you are, 'cause you cover him up so well with Jackass."

Alex closed his eyes and hugged her back. "Yeah, well. Jackass and I have been tight for too many years for me to forget about him."

Izzie smiled. "Well, I hope he finds a new friend. I kinda like this version of you too much to let him ruin it."

Alex opened his eyes and found himself lost in the deep chocolate of Izzie's. He swallowed at the serious expression that came over her delicate features as they both leaned forward slightly. Izzie wet her lips and stared at his. Alex took a deep breath. "You weren't ready before, Iz. Are you ready now?"

He held his breath as she searched his eyes, looking for something that would give her the answer. After a moment, it became clear to both of them that whatever she was looking for couldn't be found.

Releasing his breath, Alex gave her a rueful grin. "So you're not ready. It's okay, Iz."

Izzie shook her head. "You don't understand, Alex. I may never be ready."

He shrugged. "So what? I can think of worse things than just being friends." He could think of much better things too, but the last thing he wanted to do was put any pressure on her. Alex had learned that he'd rather have her in his life any way he could, than to not have her at all.

Izzie closed her eyes and nodded. "Yeah. Like not being friends at all." She laughed humorlessly. "And right now I need all the friends I can get. Which reminds me, I need to go talk to George."

Alex started walking backward, away from her car and toward his. "Tell O'Malley… Well, I doubt he wants to hear anything I have to say, but if you want you can tell him I'll keep his family in my thoughts."

Izzie blinked. "Thank you, Alex. I'm sure that'll mean a lot to him."

He shrugged again. "Whatever. I just wanted to make you smile, I could give a crap about Bambi." He grinned to counteract the insult to her friend, and she shook her head with a laugh.

"So Jackass is back. Well, it was a nice reprieve while it lasted," she teased. She slid into her car and rolled the window down, her face becoming serious once more. "Thanks again, Alex. I really appreciate you coming to my rescue like this. Even I can recognize what an unstable basket case I've been," she acknowledged ruefully.

Alex smiled briefly and got into his car, waiting until he saw her drive away before turning the key in the ignition. As the engine roared to life, he considered what his life had become. It wasn't in his nature to be patient, to put the feelings of another before his own, but that was pre-Izzie. When Dr. Isobel Stevens had been introduced to his life, he learned that some people were worth the effort.


	5. Taking Over Me

You saw me mourning my love for you

And touched my hand

I knew you loved me then

-Evanescence

Izzie stared straight ahead as the priest's words flew over her head. She wasn't listening to him much as her concern was focused on George, whose head was bowed solemnly. She sighed, the sound barely audible, but it was enough to alert Alex.

He squeezed her hand gently, turning his head just slightly so that he could see her better. He knew she was thinking not only of George, but of Denny. She hadn't been able to say goodbye to him in this formal, final way. All she took with her was the haunting memory of his cold chest beneath her cheek and his gray form lying still next to her.

Alex felt helpless, one of the emotions he hated most. He'd felt helpless as he watched his dad torment his mom, he'd felt helpless when he saw that Izzie was slipping away from him, and he felt helpless now, knowing he was unable to do anything to alleviate her pain.

Izzie belatedly realized that Alex's grip on her hand had tightened and she glanced at him gratefully. She took comfort in his presence, knowing he was there more for her than for George.

She'd been able to talk to George the night Alex bolstered her courage, and they'd had a blowout fight. He was furious with her for focusing on their problems when he wanted to mourn his father, but eventually he realized Izzie was his best friend and he needed her, now more than ever. Since then, he'd been relying on both her and Callie to help him get through the wake and the preparation for the funeral.

Now, however, Izzie realized there was nothing more she could do for him. He was with his family, Callie sitting in the pew just behind him, and Izzie was satisfied that she'd done her part as his best friend. She was content to let Callie take over from here.

She laced her fingers through Alex's, realizing as well that he'd been her rock just as much as she'd been George's. He'd supported her unfailingly the last couple weeks, through her attempts to mourn and move on from Denny, her fight with George and the aftermath, and everything in between. He'd let her do minor procedures on the sly and lifted her spirits when Bailey blistered her with criticism. He'd been her best friend, and he'd never once pressed her for anything more than she was willing or ready to give.

As the funeral mass came to a close, Izzie took a deep breath. She had been trying so hard not to, but as she'd known she would, she was falling in love with him. She knew that soon she would have to make a decision-leave Denny in the past and create a future with Alex, or hold on to Denny's memory and walk away from Alex for good. She knew the decision should be simple, Alex was here and alive and she knew she could love him so easily, but it wasn't so easy to let go of Denny.

Alex stood slowly in unison with the others around them. Izzie remained seated, her eyes closed, a melancholy smile tilting the corners of her mouth up slightly. Alex just watched her, his heart skipping a beat at the look of wistfulness on her face. She was so extraordinarily beautiful.

He wanted to see her as he did any other woman, a potential lay, but she was beyond special. She was the one he'd been waiting his entire life for. He knew it sounded ridiculously sappy, even though he would have cut out his tongue before he voiced the sentiment to a living soul, but he couldn't help it. She inspired him to feel like a lover, not a one-night stand.

"Alex, let's go home," Izzie said suddenly. Alex blinked.

"Now? Don't you want to go talk to O'Malley?"

Izzie bit her lip. "Let's get in the receiving line, we'll pay our respects to the family, and then let's go."

Alex nodded, aware that she still hadn't let go of his hand. He guided her toward the receiving line, thankful that it hadn't gotten too long yet. It only took them a few minutes to reach the family.

"O'Malley. Sorry, man," Alex said quietly, putting his hand on George's shoulder. "It's tough. But you know we're thinking about you."

George nodded, his eyes downcast and his lips pressed together to keep them from trembling. He raised his gaze to meet Alex's and gave him a small smile. "Thanks," he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

Izzie gave George a tight hug. "I love you, George," she murmured into his ear. "If you need me, you know I'm just a phone call away." She stepped back and squeezed his hand tightly, heartened when he smiled and squeezed back.

As they left the receiving line and walked toward the front of the church, Izzie's hand slipped inside Alex's again and she leaned her head on his shoulder. "Let's go home, Alex."


	6. Fear

Everyone, thank you so much for the amazing reviews! I apologize profusely for it being so long between updates, but I promise you it's all finished. I'm hoping I can get you part seven soon. Thanks for sticking with me, and I hope part six is worth the wait! :)

**But I fear, I have nothing to give**

**I have so much to lose here in this lonely place**

**Tangled up in our embrace**

**There's nothing I'd like better than to fall**

**-Sarah McLachlan**

Alex had barely closed the front door behind him when Izzie spun to face him, wrapped her arms around his neck, and kissed him with a force he hadn't felt since the first time they'd done this, the day the guy with the bomb in him was admitted.

Being in the medical field as long as he had, Alex was aware of the human need to reject the reality of death by celebrating life, and sex was the most basic, elemental way of doing so. He was prepared to make a superhuman sacrifice to keep Izzie from making a decision she'd regret later.

Pushing her away from him gently, Alex shook his head. "We can't do this, Izzie."

Tears sprang to her eyes, but she willed them back and tilted her chin up defiantly. "Isn't this what you've been working for the last few weeks? Are you really that stupid that you'd turn me down now?"

Alex frowned. "I'm not going to screw you to take away your pain. You still miss Denny and going to the funeral today made it worse. You call me a jackass often enough, but in case you haven't noticed, I've been trying to keep that guy from making too many appearances lately. He'd be the one you were getting naked with if I let this happen now."

Izzie wilted. "I just wanted someone to hold me," she said softly. "To shut out the world for a little bit, to make Denny, George's dad, all the pain and suffering… to just make it all go away."

Alex slid his arms around her and held her close. He rubbed his hands up and down her back, trying to tell her that he wanted to make it all go away, he wanted to be there for her whenever she needed him. He just couldn't say it.

Izzie felt the subtle change in his embrace and leaned into it. She knew she was taking unfair advantage by using his desire for her against him, but she needed him. She didn't know how she'd feel next week, or tomorrow, or in an hour, but right now, she wanted him in her arms.

"Alex." He met her eyes and couldn't deny the intensity of emotion in them. "Take me to bed."

He wanted to tell her no, that he didn't want to risk what they had or might have on a random reaffirmation of life, but as he watched her face he dared to hope that it was more than that to her. It might have started out as a need to give Death a big "screw you," but he wanted to believe that maybe she had felt something in his arms that had nothing to do with anything but him.

She saw the surrender in his eyes and her heart jumped when he lifted her into his arms. She slipped her arms around his neck as he made his way carefully to her room, his eyes never leaving hers. She wanted to smile, but the intensity of the passion simmering just below the surface didn't lend itself to even a brief moment of levity.

Alex laid her down slowly on the bed, his gaze searing into hers. He sat down beside her, one hand bracing himself as he leaned over her, the other lightly sweeping her golden hair off her forehead. "You're incredible," he whispered, leaning down and pressing a kiss to her collarbone. He slowly unbuttoned her blouse, pushing it down to bare her shoulders. "Amazingly beautiful." His lips brushed first one shoulder, then the other. "Intelligent and witty." They skimmed the sheer lace covering her breasts, making a lingering stop in the valley between them. "Passionate, about your patients, your job, your desires." His hands slipped under the waistband of her skirt, working it down slowly to reveal trim, silky legs. "Loyal, determined, dedicated, inspired."

Izzie felt like her heart was going to beat her to death from the inside at the same time it melted and dripped all over her ribs. This was a version of Alex she'd never seen before. She'd seen wild and uninhibited, she'd seen Jackass and Hardass, she'd even seen compassionate and affectionate, but she'd never seen this level of tender and loving. His touch, the intimate caresses that spoke of how much he cared, they inflamed her as his words soothed her battered, broken soul.

Alex swore his chest was going to burst from the effort of keeping everything he felt for her locked away inside him. He didn't realize that his body and his eyes were helping his words to betray him. Smiling softly down at her, he bent his head to give her a heart-stopping kiss. His lips glided over hers, the pressure insistent but not demanding. Her lips parted under his and he deepened the kiss, their tongues meeting and withdrawing in a time-honored dance of desire. Alex shed his clothes quickly and pulled her into his arms. As their bodies joined, he swore holding Izzie was like holding the sun.

Izzie knew she'd made the biggest mistake of her life as she let Alex in. She opened herself up and gave him everything she had to give, and she realized she could never take it back. She might not be able to have him, but she could never have herself again either. There would be no walking away this time without leaving her heart and soul behind.


	7. Fall Into Me

**A/N: I'm _so_ sorry it's taken me so long to post the new chapter, you guys! I blame the pregnancy brain that made me completely forget this fic even existed. I hope you'll forgive me and that you enjoy the update. I promise I'll get chapter eight out sooner-I've got my fingers crossed for sometime this weekend. :) **

I'll follow any road

Anywhere to get to you

I'll open up my soul

If that's what you need me to do

-Fall Into Me

Alex groaned as he collapsed into an on-call bed. The last week and a half had been beyond exhausting for him. It hadn't started great to begin with, but now with the fall-out from the ferry accident and Meredith's almost-death, he was more than ready for it to be over.

He punched the pillow in frustration, turning restlessly onto his back and staring at the bunk above him. He'd barely spoken to Izzie since the night of the funeral. She was avoiding him, which confused the hell out of him. He'd thought they'd had a pretty amazing night and that maybe things were going to happen for them, finally, and then she'd pulled a Houdini on him.

Rationally, he knew that a lot of it had to do with George and Callie's impulsive marriage. He knew her well enough to know she was blaming herself, as if she could have tried harder to be what he needed so he didn't have to freak out and get married in Vegas. Alex didn't blame her for being distant when she was worried about George.

Irrationally, he worried that she was freaking out herself, that she was angry or upset at having betrayed the memory of her precious Denny. He'd tried not to see how upset she was the day she'd deposited her inheritance check, but it was impossible not to notice her red-rimmed eyes and quiet misery. Would that guy ever leave them in peace?

He took comfort in the fact that she'd stopped him during their frantic back-and-forth tail-chasing to tell him the Chief had officially taken her off probation. He was really happy for her, he knew she'd worked her ass off to prove herself ready to be a real doctor again. He was even more pleased that she wanted to tell him badly enough that she was willing to break the silence between them.

Alex frowned when the door opened and an exhausted Bailey stepped into the room. "Dr. Bailey. Did you need something?" He checked his pager to make sure the batteries were still working and he hadn't missed a page.

Bailey closed her eyes and shook her head. "No, Karev. Just needed a moment."

Alex understood. She'd worked tirelessly to save Meredith and she must be bone-weary. "I can't sleep, anyway. I'll just get back to work and let you have your moment."

Bailey opened her eyes and watched him carefully. "You don't look as happy as I thought you would."Alex stared at her. "Why would I be happy? My friend almost died and there are a boatload of people-pardon the pun-who are dead or dying."

Bailey smirked. "Well, there are two options. One, you could be happy that Stevens is off probation and she won't be following you around anymore. Or two, you could be happy Stevens is off probation so you don't have to let her do procedures on the sly because she isn't supposed to be doing them at all and you damn well know it."

Alex opened his mouth to deny it, but gave up when Bailey nailed him with a steely glare. It was useless to lie to Bailey. She was like the freaking Wizard. She knew all. "How'd you figure it out?"

Bailey snorted. "You think I'm stupid, Karev? You're crazy in love with that girl and the worst day of your life was when Denny Duquette was re-admitted."

Alex grimaced. "Not exactly the worst, but damn close."

Bailey gave him an appraising look. "She's doing better, though. A lot better. She smiles a lot more. My guess is that you're a big part of it."

Alex shrugged, trying to pretend it didn't matter. "People die. You get over it or you don't. If you don't, you don't live. Izzie's got life in her. She's a fighter. She'll get over it."

Bailey rolled her eyes. "You people are going to be the death of me." She opened the door and walked out, muttering, "Why'd I have to be the one to get a bunch of damn interns who have more brains than common sense?"

Alex chuckled as Bailey huffed her way out of the on-call room. She acted like a tough bird, but she was as gooey on the inside as a campfire-cooked marshmallow.

He pushed himself off the bed and took a deep breath. He needed to find Izzie. He knew she felt something for him, and it was time to push her to make a decision. He wouldn't have felt comfortable doing that a month ago, or even two weeks ago. But he knew if he let her get by with holding him at arms' length any longer, eventually he'd be watching her walk away from him.

Alex Karev was a fighter too. And it was time to fight for his life.


	8. Edge of Heaven

A/N: I'm bad, horrible, awful. I went for more than a year without updating this, and I'm so, so sorry to all of you who stuck with me. The only thing I can say in my defense is that life happened (had a kid, lost my internet access, etc.) and I forgot about this story and FFN completely. So I'm back now, and I'm posting the rest of the story so it doesn't get forgotten again. My apologies, because from part 8 on it's completely un-beta'ed. All mistakes are mine.

And as the darkness comes

I start to see a picture

Of a lonely man

So clearly now reaching out for me

-Ace of Base

He found her just leaving Meredith's room, and he trapped her between his body and the door. "We need to talk," he insisted, his voice low and his face intense.

Izzie grimaced. "Tied with 'I have bad news' as the four worst words you ever have to hear."

"I'm not joking," he growled, and Izzie stared at him.

"I didn't say you were," she said slowly, giving him a wary look. "But I don't have time right now. Sloan wants me to scrub in on a facial reconstruction. I just wanted to stop by and say hi to Mer."

"Then later. What time are you off?"

"Eight," she replied with a resigned sigh.

"I'm off at seven. I'll meet you at your house. And you better be there, Stevens. Don't think you can get out of this one," he warned her.

Izzie rolled her eyes. "I won't, Alex. I'll see you at home."

Alex exhaled sharply as Izzie walked away. He just hoped it wasn't going to be something he had to get used to seeing. He waited a few moments before opening the door behind him.

"Hey," he greeted the pale figure in the bed.

Meredith gave him a wan smile. "Hail, hail, the gang's all here. Or been here."

He sat down in the chair beside her bed. "They feeding you okay?"Meredith chuckled, then winced. "Oh yeah. Mushed carrots and the world's smallest portion of meatloaf in congealed gravy. It's gourmet in here, let me tell you."

Alex gave her a small grin. "Good to know. I just wanted to check in on you, y'know, make sure you're okay.""I'm alive and kicking, or so they tell me," she replied ruefully. "Except I don't think anyone's given Derek the memo. When he's not in surgery he's in here, acting like I'm either going to slice my wrists with a butter knife or code from a mysterious blood clot."Alex grimaced. "Please tell me you didn't use that example with Iz." He breathed a silent sigh of relief when Meredith shook her head. "It's tough on him, y'know? It's not easy for guys like us to deal with losing someone we love."

Meredith raised one eyebrow. "Speaking from personal experience?" she baited, shifting her glance pointedly toward the door that Izzie had exited only a few minutes earlier.

Alex sighed in exasperation. "Does everyone in this freaking hospital know how I feel except her?"

Meredith grinned. "I don't think Cristina knows. Then again, I don't think Cristina cares."

Alex snorted. "If she stuck her nose in my business there'd be bloodshed and we both know it. Yang and I figured out a long time ago it's best if we just leave each other alone."

Meredith shifted restlessly in bed and winced again. "Well, I'll keep your secret if you'll break into the pharmacy and get me some of the good stuff. Now I know how our patients feel when we tell them 'pain is good, it means you're healing.' Screw the pain, I want drugs."

Alex laughed. "I'll see what I can do." He stood up. "I'm glad you made it through okay. This place wouldn't be the same without you in it."

She grinned up at him. "Thanks, Alex. I wouldn't be the same without any of you, either." It was about as sappy as they both got. "And Izzie wouldn't be the same without you. You're the one who got her through the aftermath of Denny's death. We were all there for her in our own ways, of course, but you were the one she leaned on. You were the one who was always there for her, whether you were a jerk or not, she knew she could rely on you. She loves you, she's just scared to admit it. You have to make her."

The gleam that came to Alex's eyes could only be described as fierce. "Like she could stop me."


	9. Your Call

Stripped and polished, I am new, I am fresh

I am feeling so ambitious, you and me, flesh to flesh

Because every breath that you will take

When you are sitting next to me

Will bring life into my deepest hopes, what's your fantasy?

-Secondhand Serenade

Izzie felt the pressure throbbing in her head and between her shoulder blades as she let herself in the house. She'd had a crappy day and wasn't crazy about coming home to a ticked-off Alex who "needed to talk." "What does he want to talk for?" she asked herself crabbily as she stopped in the kitchen for refreshments. "All he ever wants to do is hit the sheets anyway."She knew she wasn't being fair to him, but she wasn't in the mood to be fair. If she remembered his tenderness and the look in his eyes as he cuddled her against him, if she remembered how he'd stood up to her and for her and with her, if she remembered all that she wouldn't be able to keep her distance. She had to be able to keep her distance.

She expected to find Alex on the couch waiting for her, but he wasn't there. Puzzled, she shrugged and went back to her room to get changed. She stopped short when she saw Alex sprawled on her bed, fast asleep.

Izzie relaxed instantly and smiled indulgently as she watched him. His face was peaceful, a slight smile curved his lips, and his breathing was deep and even. Her heart thudded against her chest when she remembered the last time he'd been in her bed. After they'd finished, he'd pulled her tight against his chest and pressed a chaste kiss to her forehead before falling asleep. It was the most perfect, contented feeling she'd ever experienced.

Until she woke up the next morning.

Izzie sighed and rubbed her forehead, where the headache was beginning to simmer again. She didn't want to think about that anymore. She just wanted today and all the crap that came before to just go away for a few minutes.

She knew she was playing with fire, but she stripped down to her bra and panties and climbed into the bed beside him, falling asleep within seconds.

It was hours later when Alex awoke, feeling warm and cozy. He curled and stretched like a cat, glancing over at his bed companion only after his leg struck something soft. Fire leaped into his blood when he saw Izzie curled up beside him, clad in only her underwear, and watching him with a contented smile.

"Morning, Sleeping Beauty," she teased. She scooted closer and laid her head on his chest, sliding her arm across his waist. She snuggled against him and he closed his eyes in pleasure as her hair tickled the underside of his chin.

"Morning, Iz," he said, lazily stroking his fingertips up and down her spine. "Or evening, whatever."

Izzie shuddered against him as his fingers set off shock waves that went straight to every sensual nerve ending in her body. Her arm tightened around his waist and her hand started an exploration route of its own.

Alex groaned when her nails scratched lightly over his skin. "Iz, stop, you're going to kill me," he breathed.

She lifted her head and grinned at him mischievously. "I can think of worse ways to go," she murmured seductively, her eyes glittering as she lifted her body just enough so that she could glide above him.

Alex closed his eyes and hissed in pleasure as she settled herself into a position that was guaranteed to drive him crazy. Before his brain could shut down and keep him from doing what he came over to do, he sat up and gently rolled so that she was laying on her back. "Iz. We need to talk."Izzie scowled. "Why did you have to ruin what was promising to be great sex?"

He sighed. "Because as much as you may not believe me, Izzie, I don't just want to have sex with you.""Why not? The sex is great with me, Alex. Face it, the sex is _fantastic _with me," she retorted.

He chuckled. "I'm not debating that, Iz. I'm just saying I want more than casual sex."

Izzie fell silent. "Why, Alex? Why can't you just be happy with what we have? A few weeks ago I couldn't even kiss you, and now we're at least sleeping together. Why can't you just accept that that's all I can give?"Alex ran a hand over his head in frustration. "Because that's _not _all you can give, Izzie!" he cried. "You're capable of so much more. You're just scared to let yourself have it."

Izzie jumped up and snatched the nearest pair of jeans and shirt. "You're damn right I'm scared!" she snapped, furiously stabbing her legs into the jeans and her arms through the shirt sleeves. "I let myself fall in love with someone and then he died. I'm still grieving him and now you want me to risk it all again. I can't do it, Alex!" she yelled. Her chest was rising and falling rapidly as she struggled to control herself. "I can't risk falling in love with you when I know that you're not the loving kind. You've given me as much as I think you're capable of giving any woman, but it's not enough. I need more, and I need it to last this time. I can't have it within reach and then have it ripped away again. I can't. I can't, Alex!" she screamed, breaking down completely.

Alex wanted to run to her and hold her as she cried, but he forced himself to hold back. She had to be able to do this on her own.

"You think I'm not capable of loving you?" he asked quietly. "Well let me tell you something, Isobel Stevens. I do love you. I'm crazy in love with you. I have been for a long time, pretty much since I met you. It killed me when I hurt you by screwing Olivia, and it killed me when I got the second chance I didn't deserve and I watched you choose Denny anyway. It killed me when Denny died and I couldn't make your pain go away. It killed me when I wasn't good enough for you to want to leave Denny in the past. Those things all killed me because I'm so much in love with you that anything other than being with you for the rest of my life isn't really living."

He couldn't stop the words from pouring out of his mouth, even though he hadn't meant to say so much. It was the most honest he'd been about his feelings in his entire life, and the sense of vulnerability terrified him. She had the power to destroy him, and he'd handed her the tools to do it. The tension of her silence was unbearable.

Izzie held up her hand to forestall anything else he might say. She felt like she couldn't breathe. It was all too much, too fast. "I can't do this right now, Alex," she gasped. "I need time to think. Give me time."Alex wondered how anyone lived through the pain of outright rejection if it hurt worse than her reaction did. Woodenly, he nodded. "Take all the time you need, Iz," he said stiffly.

He couldn't be there for another second so he turned and left her there, struggling to pull herself together and wondering how her world could come crashing down so quickly.


	10. Hero

Would you cry

If you saw me cryin'

Would you save my soul tonight?

-Enrique Iglesias

Over the next few days, it became obvious to the other interns that something was wrong between Izzie and Alex. Meredith had a better idea than most, and gave Alex sympathetic glances every time she caught him looking at Izzie with the pain in his eyes just barely concealed.

Izzie was the recipient of some unsolicited advice. "I don't know what you did to Karev, but he looks like a puppy you keep kicking over and over," Cristina observed on the third day. "Fix it. I can't stand those mournful brown eyes another minute."

"You're miserable, Izzie," George complained the fourth time he had to repeat what he said while she stared into space. "You know I don't like Alex, but it's obvious to everyone he's in love with you and you're in love with him. I don't know why you're not together, but if you don't figure it out soon, you're not as smart as I thought you were."It was those words ringing in her ears when she looked up at the people who were staring at her as if she was their personal Savior. "Dr. Isobel Stevens?"

And with those words, her world came crashing down yet again.

She was lying facedown on the bed, her thoughts spinning out of control in her head, when Bailey came in wearing a concerned expression. "Let me call Karev. You need him here with you."Izzie shook her head. "No," she denied, her voice muffled against the bed. "I don't want him to know.""I didn't say you had to tell him," Bailey reminded her. "I just said you need him."

"Does everyone in this hospital think Alex and I are meant to be together?" Izzie muttered in resignation.

Bailey smirked. "I still think Karev needs a good smack upside the head now and then, but he's a good man. Better when he's around you. And you're better when you're around him. Happier. Seems to me that isn't something you should let go of easily."

Izzie was silent for a moment. "Please get him," she whispered, and Bailey walked out with a smile of satisfaction.

It was only a few minutes later when Alex came into the room, worry etched across his face. "Iz, what's going on?" he asked. "Bailey wouldn't tell me anything but that you needed me."

Izzie's face crumpled. "My baby," she whispered, the tears choking her and making it impossible for her to say any more.

Alex was thunderstruck. Izzie was pregnant? His mind went blank and he fought to remember what was important. They could deal with the pregnancy later, right now he needed to know why Izzie was so upset and what he could do for her.

"What's wrong?" he asked gently, looking her over for signs of physical ailments or distress. "Are you having a miscarriage?"Izzie shook her head and gave a hiccupping laugh. "No, Alex," she assured him. "I'm not pregnant." He didn't know if he was relieved or disappointed, but waited patiently for the rest of what she had to say. She took a deep, steadying breath before speaking. "I have an eleven-year-old-daughter. She's in Peds, waiting for a transfusion of my bone marrow because she has leukemia. Her adoptive parents asked me to donate because she'll die without it." Her voice hitched on the last few felt like he'd taken a punch to the gut. Izzie had an eleven-year-old daughter? He wondered how much else he didn't know about her, but it didn't matter. Everything he learned only tightened the bond between them.

"She's going to beat this, Iz," he promised her. He took her hands and gripped them tightly. "She's your blood. She's a fighter, and she's strong, and someday she's going to thank you for giving her everything it took to survive this, not just the marrow."

Izzie smiled through her tears. "I bet she's beautiful."Alex grinned at her. "Of course she is. She's yours, isn't she? With a mom as beautiful as you, she's got to be a knockout."

Izzie laid her head back down as the doctor came in to withdraw the marrow. "Don't leave me."

Alex laced his fingers through hers as the needle entered her spine and she flinched. "Never."


	11. Evening Up the Odds

And I want you to tell me

How safe I am with you

And how our hearts together

Can't help but make it through

And for every love that leaves

There's a love that's meant to be

-Lorrie Morgan

They were in Izzie's bed the next night, curled up together and eating Alex's attempts at dinner. Izzie had wanted to make something but he wouldn't let her. "You need to rest and recover," he'd told her in no uncertain terms. Izzie secretly enjoyed being spoiled and waited on, so she didn't object.

She still hadn't said anything about his declaration of love, nor had she given him any indication what she was thinking or feeling. However, she'd been warm and affectionate and loving since he'd sat with her through the bone marrow retrieval and everything that came after, and he wasn't about to complain.

She giggled as he dripped gravy on his shirt. "You're a messy eater, Alex," she teased, poking him lightly in the chest with her spoon.

He raised an eyebrow. "I haven't heard you complain about the way I eat before," he said mildly, and she opened her mouth in pretended shock.

"Alex Karev! I'm not that kind of girl," she protested delicately.

Alex laughed. "Oh yeah you are, and I love it," he growled, taking their plates and setting them aside. His hand slid to her waist and his fingers curled, pulling her to him so he could press a heated kiss to her unresisting mouth. He reined in his passion with regret because he knew she was nowhere near ready for anything as physical as sex. She still could barely walk from room to room without stooping over or wincing.

Izzie sighed in contentment as she looped her arms around his neck. "I should have given marrow months ago."

"Why?" he asked, amused.

"Because I could definitely get used to being treated like this," she admitted unrepentantly.

Alex brushed a kiss along her jaw line. "I'd be willing to try," he murmured. "I might not be able to keep it up because I'm not the sweet and considerate boyfriend type, but if it'd make you happy…"Izzie was quiet and he bristled. "Forget it. Pretend I didn't say anything."

She shook her head. "It's not that, Alex." She knew it was time to tell him what had kept her from giving him the answer he needed.

"I felt him the day Meredith almost died. Denny," she clarified when Alex looked confused. "There was just this moment… It was like he was right there beside me. And in that moment I felt something. It was like saying goodbye, like passing through him and moving on to the other side. And all that was left was silence."

Alex shook his head. "I don't get it. If you said goodbye, how come you freaked out when I told you I loved you?"

"Because as long as I loved him, as long as I grieved him, I didn't have to say goodbye. I always knew one day I would have to, but I put it off for as long as I possibly could. I wasn't ready for goodbye." Alex nodded. He understood that, even if he didn't like it very much. "Then I came home and found you in my bed. And I knew I could never say goodbye to you. Not ever. I can't ever go through anything like that with you. Death, or a breakup, or anything that means I have to say goodbye."

Alex exhaled slowly. "So what are you saying?""I'm saying I love you, Alex. I'm saying I'm crazy in love with you. I'm saying that I'm so much in love with you that anything other than being with you for the rest of my life isn't really living." She'd repeated back to him verbatim the words he'd said to her that night. She held her breath as she waited for his reaction.

A small smile slowly came to his lips, and it grew, and spread, until he had a huge grin plastered across his face. "You're serious.""As a heart attack," she laughed. "I was so terrified of letting myself love you. I'm never going to cheapen my history with Denny by saying I didn't love him that much, or by saying he was easy to get over. But I can say that if I ever lose you, I'll never get over it. I could deal with losing him, even though it hurt and it took a long time. I can't deal with losing you. Ever. So you can't ever leave me. That's the deal. Take it or leave it."

He wanted to push her to her back and ravage her, to flood her with kisses and caresses and make love to her as if his life depended on it. Because of her recovery, he did the next best thing. He laced his fingers through hers and cupped the back of her head, bringing her lips to his and holding her there.

"You have yourself a deal, Stevens."


End file.
